When?
by Kejfe Blintz
Summary: Jack struggles to cope with his past and his present. Can he let anyone help? Janto, therefore slash. Rated T for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them, I just play with them. I'll bring them back when I'm done, promise.

**A/N: **This is the beginning of a story which follows Season Two so will contain spoilers for the whole season.

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Dying evidently changes a man. Ianto observed Jack from his vantage point high up near Myfanwy's nest as he mourned the death (mercy killing) of the alien-cum-meat factory. Since Gwen's dramatic departure earlier Jack had shut himself in his office and hidden until he thought everyone had gone home. Ianto, fearing Jack would do something he shouldn't, had done one of his invisibility routines and simply waited for the object of his affections to reappear. Ianto was concerned about Jack's increasingly odd behaviour around Gwen as her wedding day approached. He knew they'd had a fling (he'd been the one to wipe the CCTV tape clear and besides, who hadn't Jack slept with?) but somehow he'd missed Jack seemingly fall head over heels for her. He knew he should feel, well, something about it, after all he and Jack were…dabbling…but all he felt was sympathy and a deep concern for Jack. Besides which, since when did Captain Jack Harkness grieve so deeply over the death of an alien he'd only just met? Things just didn't add up.

Ianto once again turned his attention to Jack, who was absently inspecting Owen's plants. Sighing he began the descent from Myfanwy's nest with the intention of rescuing the plants before Jack turned any more of their leaves into mush. By the time he reached a less dizzying level Jack had moved on to poke at Tosh's computer, which was trying to run a translation program.

"Tosh'll kill you if you break that."

Ianto had the brief satisfaction of making Jack jump in surprise.

"Thought you'd gone home."

"Had a few things to finish up."

Jack kept his back to Ianto, head bowed, the very picture of defeat. Ianto felt his heart clench at the sight of his proud, brave Captain reduced to the image of a small child. He stepped forward and placed his hand on Jack's shoulder.

"Come with me."

Jack allowed himself to be steered over to the sofa and slumped down next to Ianto.

Ianto pulled Jack close to him, wrapping his arms around the defeated man and allowing his love to pulse around them, hopefully beginning to heal Jack's wounds.

"Why are you doing this?"

Jack's voice startled Ianto from his reverie.

"Because I want to."

"I thought you weren't speaking to me."

"Why on Earth would I not be speaking to you?" Ianto was genuinely puzzled.

"Because of…well…the Gwen thing…and…"

"I'm not mad at you Jack."

"No?"

"No."

Jack wriggled in his arms, squirming to get more comfortable. Apparently Ianto's affirmation was all Jack needed to start relaxing. He rested his head on Ianto's shoulder, burrowing his nose into the crook of his neck.

Gradually their breathing synchronised and Jack allowed the warmth of Ianto's body to seep into his tired muscles, breeching the defences he'd built up around himself. Content to be held by a man he knew cared, Jack allowed his mind to wander replaying the events since his return from the Valiant.

The TARDIS had insisted on the Doctor, Martha and himself going into some sort of stasis – a timeless state where they could all heal the damage the Master had inflicted. To begin with, all they had done was sleep. Not wanting to be apart, they'd all piled into one room where the TARDIS supplied enough bedding to make a nest, and curled together like dormice. Nightmares were easier to handle when entwined with two other bodies.

They'd talked a lot, even the Doctor. It had helped, but all of them held something back, not wanting to inflict yet more pain onto each other. Physically they were healed, but inside every single one of them was damaged – the wounds were deep and painful.

Time elsewhere marched on, but inside the protective cocoon of the TARDIS the inhabitants were oblivious. Gradually they slept less, began to eat more and no longer clung so tightly to each other. Jack began to think about those he'd left behind – his team, his family. He was saddened to realise he could no longer clearly picture the exact shade of blue Ianto's eyes were, or the scent of Gwen's perfume, or the feel of Tosh's hand in his. He realised he was even missing Owen's sarcasm. It was then he decided he was ready to go back.

They'd argued, the Doctor and he, over whether he was ready. Looking back, the Doctor was right. He wasn't ready. But is he hadn't left when he did he probably never would have, and he couldn't do that to his team. He at least owed them a few explanations if nothing else.

Jack was jolted back to the present by a soft kiss on top of his head. Settling impossibly closer to this remarkable man, Jack began to count his blessings. Here was someone who accepted him for who he was; who never tried to change him and always forgave him eventually. Here was a man who was strong enough to fight for what he wanted and was loyal to the end, no matter what. Here was a man who may have the ability to fix what broke inside of Jack a long time ago. He found Ianto's hand and twined their fingers together.

"Let me fix you Jack."

It was like Ianto had read his mind.

"I don't know if you can…the pieces are scattered across galaxies…across time…"

"Let me try?"

"OK"

"Tell me about your Doctor."

"You've seen the file."

"No, tell me about _your _Doctor."

"I can't…it's too…it hurts…"

Ianto felt Jack tense in his arms, felt his heart begin to race.

"Hey shh…I know, but it'll help. I promise."

So Jack took a deep breath and began to talk about his Doctor. He told Ianto about their first meeting, about the Doctor saving him from certain detonation. He told of their travels together, the good times they'd had with Rose, the experiences they'd shared. He told of the battle and of being killed, of waking on Satellite Five and hearing the TARDIS leaving him behind. He talked and talked and talked, all the while with Ianto stroking his hair, wiping away his tears and loving him unconditionally.

He told of the years he had to wait for the Doctor's return, the lives he'd lived, the loves he'd lost. He paused, and then began the hardest part. Jack spoke of the Doctor's return, his regeneration and the missing year on the Valiant. He recounted his deaths, the torture and the agony, and his feelings of hopelessness.

"I forgot what shade of blue your eyes were Yan."

He talked more than he had in centuries, told Ianto things he'd forgotten himself; spoke from the heart until he could speak no more, finally falling into an exhausted sleep in Ianto's arms.

It was only once Jack had collapsed that Ianto let his own tears fall. Tears of relief that he had his Captain safe in his arms, tears of gratitude for being privilege to Jack's innermost thoughts and emotions, and tears of sadness for what this unbelievable man had had no choice but to live through. Jack began to shift restlessly in his arms as the first of many nightmares began to take hold.

"Hush, you're safe…I'm here…"

Mindless words repeated over and over soothing Jack back to sleep, a process repeated until the door rolled back allowing Tosh to enter, heralding the start of a new day.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thank you for all your wonderful reviews for the first chapter, sorry about the wait for this but rl tends to get in the way occasionally. Enjoy.

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Martha, his beloved Martha

Martha, his beloved Martha. Ianto watched Jack and this mysterious, beautiful woman laughing over some shared memory. Who was she? Jack trusted her, liked her, seemed to feel as though he owed her something…yet she said they'd only spent a few days together. He'd overheard Martha telling Owen that she and Jack went forward as well as back. When Jack had broken down and spent the night talking himself hoarse in Ianto's arms, he'd mentioned a Martha and said that she'd saved the world, but it was hard to tie those heroic acts relating to an event he had no memory of with this small, but fierce, woman. It made Ianto aware of just how much he didn't know about Jack.

"Hey Yan, we're going for a drink. Do you want to join us?"

Jack had sauntered over while Ianto had been lost in his musings.

"If the two of you don't mind…I don't want to interrupt anything."

"Don't be silly. I want to get to know the man who managed to domesticate Captain Jack Harkness!"

Martha reached for Ianto's hand and tugged gently.

"Well I wouldn't go as far as saying I've domesticated him…"

"Come on…it'll be fun."

Jack turned his puppy dog eyes on Ianto, who sighed in defeat. He didn't stand a chance against puppy dog eyes.

"Fine, I'll get my coat."

They walked along the dark streets of Cardiff towards their favourite pub – a small, intimate place with coal fires and draught ale, with Jack in full storytelling mode.

"So anyway, there we were, the Doctor and me virtually naked, chained in this horrid dungeon type thing with flesh eating who-knows-what just waiting to devour us alive, and all he's worried about is his damned sonic screwdriver! Honestly, the man's priorities are way off…"

Martha laughed.

"Sounds like the Doctor! So how'd you get out?"

"Oh, well the Doctor gave me permission to flirt so I charmed the guard…use your imagination!"

"Wait, you needed permission to flirt?"

Ianto was struggling to imagine Jack waiting for permission to do something which came as naturally to him as breathing.

"Well…it was kinda my fault we were in that situation in the first place…"

Now that was something Ianto could believe. Martha wanted more details.

"I kind of accidentally flirted with the big cheese on the planet and maybe sort of almost caused a royal divorce…after we were stripped and thrown into jail the Doctor banned me from so much as saying hello to anyone."

"Yeah well I know how you say hello to people, and quite frankly I'm not at all surprised. You're incorrigible Captain Harkness."

"Hey! I'm a reformed character, just ask Ianto!"

Ianto had been observing the proceedings with amusement.

"Well I wouldn't say reformed as such…more…erm, controllable maybe."

"See, you have domesticated him! Besides, I have it on good authority that Ianto is the only member of your team that you've slept with. Definitely under the thumb if you ask me."

"Oh yeah? According to who?"

Jack held the door to the pub open as Martha walked through. She glanced back at him over her shoulder.

"Gwen."

"Oh really."

Ianto watched as Jack's eyes darkened to a shade so close to black that Ianto had learned to fear the actions that usually followed, which were often on an apocalyptic scale.

"Jack…"

He gave his one warning – shut up, don't air your dirty laundry in public, and calm down, all enclosed in one word.

Martha glanced from one to the other and saw a silent battle raging, blue on blue, eyes flashing, both determined to take control. Suddenly Jack softened, his eyes cooled and returned to their normal shade of blue.

"You're right, I'm sorry."

Ianto simply nodded and lead the way to the bar.

Much later that evening, Jack and Ianto lay in a sweating, panting, exhausted heap, recovering from one of Jack's more _avent garde _experimentations. Ianto turned his head on the pillow to look at Jack.

"I hope you don't expect me to move anytime before Friday."

"Pfft, pathetic mortals – one good go round and you're useless for the next 48 hours."

"Well not all of us can shag to literal death and live to tell the tale."

"But you enjoyed it though."

That was more of a statement than a question.

"Oh yeah."

"Go on, sleep. You know you want to."

Jack was barely at the end of his sentence before Ianto was snoring in his ear.

"Wish it was that easy for me."

Jack still rarely slept, too plagued by nightmares to make the process worthwhile. Besides, it wasn't like he needed much anyway. He remembered the feeling of waking in Ianto's arms after he talked to him that night…last time Jack had felt so rested and safe was on the TARDIS when he'd woken entangled with the Doctor and Martha. Back then it had taken the two of them to make him feel secure enough to relax, now all it took was one young Welshman to make his world turn right. It always amazed him that here he was, essentially immortal, a fixed point in time and space, yet it still took a simple act of human goodness to make him feel truly at peace. Like the Doctor Jack had an undeniable attachment to this little planet and its inhabitants, especially this particular inhabitant. Gazing intently at a soundly sleeping Ianto, Jack felt more sure than ever that returning to Torchwood and refusing the Doctor's invitation to travel was one of the best decisions he'd ever made, one that, if given the chance, he would make again.

Tugging Ianto closer Jack mused on his team, and the sacrifices he'd made to remain with them. He wondered if they had any idea the lengths he'd go for them. Jack knew that his sudden disappearance and subsequent unexplained reappearance had shaken their faith in him; he knew Owen thought him a coward for vanishing when things in Earth got rough. He also knew that no matter what he said or how he said it, he still wouldn't be able to communicate his depth of feeling for them all. He was, after all, a 51st century man. Vocal emotional expression simply wasn't his style. As Jack lay pondering how to convince his team he was in this for the long haul, an idea came to him. Smiling to himself, he rolled towards his sleeping bedmate and burrowed his nose into the welcoming, comforting and strangely addictive scent that was so uniquely Ianto, and once again allowed sleep to overwhelm him.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **_Sorry it's taken me so long to update this, RL got completely in the way of getting it finished. Thank you for your wonderful reviews and your patience._

It took two days of craziness to pass before Jack got a chance to implement his plan

Two days of planning and three days of alien capture later, Jack could finally carry out his plan. Mid-afternoon he disappeared into the bowels of the Hub, leaving a dubious Ianto 'in charge' to watch over the team as they finished their reports. Jack knew the underground passages better than anyone; even Ianto didn't know the room Jack was making his way to existed. Jack unlocked a well rusted padlock and pushed open a door hidden behind a shelving unit deep in the archive, stepping into a dark and dank corridor. Several minutes of unpleasant progress took Jack deeper underground before he finally reached his destination. Brushing some kind of strange moss-like plant from the handle, Jack opened the door and stepped inside the room he'd endured untold horrors of horticulture to get to. Groping around, he found a gaslight, lit it and was rewarded by the room flooding with soft light from the 1900's fittings around the walls. The room looked exactly as it had when Jack was last here many decades previously, his favourite room in the underground passages that served as Torchwood Three's first base. This was the kitchen.

Rummaging in the cupboards, he found the ingredients he'd hidden away over the last few days and set about his task. Jack had decided the best way to convince his team he loved them like family was to treat them like one. Now he'd had very little practical experience of family life in his own childhood, but his many lives over the centuries had taught him a few things. Mainly how to cook a mean chilli. He hummed to himself as he began to create his masterpiece, his mind drifting to the last time he'd cooked up a storm to impress someone. That time it had been the Doctor - the one with the big ears, not the one with the experimental hair - and Rose, and he'd been trying to convince them he was a changed man and wasn't attempting to con the TARDIS out of their possession. Jack smiled to himself, funny how he only ever seemed to cook when he was trying to convince someone of something. He tried not to dwell on any deep psychological reasoning and instead went searching for the rice he knew was around the place somewhere.

An hour and a half later, Jack emerged from the bowels of the Earth carrying a large bowl of chilli and rice and stepped into the Hub. It took about thirty seconds from his appearance to Owen materialising beside him, sniffing the air hopefully.

"Why do I smell chilli?"

"Because you're standing next to a bowl of chilli."

"Oh. Why am I standing next to a bowl of chilli?"

"Because I made some. Now be a good doctor and go get the others."

Owen hurriedly rounded up the rest of the team and soon they were all assembled round the conference table passing round bowls and spoons.

"How do I know this is safe to eat? I didn't know you could cook…" Gwen sniffed suspiciously at the bowl of food in front of her.

"You didn't use diced weevil did you? I think we're missing one…"

"Shut up Owen."

Tosh took a mouthful, "Hey this is actually good!"

"No need to sound so surprised."

"Sorry Jack. It is good though, thank you."

Gwen turned her x-ray stare from the chilli to Jack.

"So what's the occasion? Why did you cook for us? You've never cooked for us."

Jack took a deep breath. "I wanted to show you that I care and that I'm not disappearing anytime soon. And that I know you find it hard to trust me, but that I'm willing to put a little effort into making you believe me."

There was silence around the table as everyone attempted to process the unusually emotional speech from their Captain. Predictably, Owen was the first to speak.

"What happens if your Doctor returns?"

"I got the answers I needed from him. We both changed a lot, both in the time we were apart and the time we spent together. I don't need him as much as I did to explain things to me. And I think it would take the end of the universe for him to come find me again."

Under the table, Ianto slipped his hand into Jack's and twined their fingers together in a show of comfort and support. He alone knew what it had cost Jack to admit to this out loud, he knew how strong the connection between the Doctor and Jack had been, and how it had torn Jack apart to leave behind the safety offered by the Time Lord. At least this time the parting had been reciprocal rather than enforced. Jack gave him a small, sad smile and squeezed Ianto's hand before looking round the table.

"I'm here with you, I care about you and I'm your Captain. I needed to leave when I did, but I also needed to return when I did. I came back for you, for all of you. You were the only thing that kept me going; the thought of you all gave me the strength I needed to fight. Please believe me when I say without you all I would not be as strong as I am now." Jack paused to let the gravity of his words sink in. "Now enough with the emotion, let's eat!"

Food was eaten, stories were told and laughter was had. Eventually Gwen remembered she had Rhys to get home to, Tosh had the translation program to fine tune and Owen mumbled something about a date with a hot blonde, so the party broke up. Ianto shooed Jack away from tidying up, so he made his way up to his favourite rooftop, giving the best view over the city. It was a clear night and all above him the stars and galaxies beckoned. Jack allowed the sight to overwhelm him, encompass him and pull him toward them. Right there, right now, Jack was happy to be Earth-bound, however he knew that the day would come when a blue police box would appear and he wouldn't be able to resist one trip…just one trip. Who could stay in one place when there were galaxies to explore with the one being who he knew would out-live him?

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End file.
